| Pages in topic: < [1 2 3] > | English to Chinese competition entry 英译中比赛稿件 Thread poster: Phil Hand
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wherestip 
United States
Local time: 04:17
Chinese to English
+ ...
| Chinese-American | Feb 25, 2013 |
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steven_Chu
Beside his scientific career, Chu has also developed interest in various sports, including baseball, swimming and cycling. He taught himself tennis by reading a book in the eighth grade, and was a second-string substitute for the school team for three years. He also taught himself how to pole vault using bamboo poles obtained from the local carpet store.[3] Chu said he never learned to speak Chinese because his parents always talked to him and his brothers in English, although he said (in 1997) that he was trying to learn Mandarin, believing that if he could stay in China for "at least six months", he would become fluent.[11]
I don't see the relevance. According to Steven Chu's Wikipedia page, he doesn't even speak Chinese.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sorry, J.H., I see your point - The Chinese translation of the English article was not so hot. Compared to Phil's command of Chinese, it could be seen as embarrassing.
I agree that Phil is very accomplished in his Chinese reading and writing ability. But I also think that some of his sentences in this particular contest could have been worded and organized better so that the reader has an easier time following the author's original train of thought.
One device I would suggest is the judicious use of additional conjunctions in the Chinese translation, especially in those places where the transition in meaning(in English) is apparently there, yet isn't explicitly spelled out in words. A good example of this would be the last couple of sentences ...
The story of its inhabitants ought to be there in the photos on the mantelpiece, the pictures on the wall, the books on the shelves. If hotel rooms were people, they would be smiling lobotomy patients or plausible psychopaths
一家人的历史应在炕上的照片里、在墙上的绘画中、在书架上的书本里得到充分的诠释。酒店客房若能化身为人的话，就像是接受过叶切断术的嘻嘻哈哈的傻子或油嘴滑舌的变态。
The meaning of the English author is apparent: one moment he's talking about the home, the next he's back on the hotel again. IMO, that's typical of the way English humor is delivered. But by staying too "true" to the English wording, this becomes not so clear in the translated text. IMO, a simple "而“ would have instantly improved the fluency and readabilty of the Chinese ...
而酒店客房若能化身为人的话，就像是接受过叶切断术的嘻嘻哈哈的傻子或油嘴滑舌的变态。
[Edited at 2013-02-25 15:37 GMT]
| | | | Phil Hand
China
Local time: 17:17
Chinese to English
TOPIC STARTER
谢谢大家的纠正，都很宝贵！
@J.H. - 我不缺乏自信——对自己的能力要有信心，对自己的局限要有客观的认识。
| | | | pkchan
United States
Local time: 05:17
Member (2006)
English to Chinese
+ ...
Phil 兄的原譯為∶酒店客房若能化身为人的话，就像是接受过叶切断术的嘻嘻哈哈的傻子或油嘴滑舌的变态。
只要把“若”字放在句首便可，即是這樣∶若酒店客房能化身为人的话，就像是接受过叶切断术的嘻嘻哈哈的傻子或油嘴滑舌的变态。
[Edited at 2013-02-25 14:36 GMT]
| | | | wherestip
United States
Local time: 04:17
Chinese to English
+ ...
| Chinese humor is different | Feb 25, 2013 |
pkchan wrote:
Phil 兄的原譯為∶酒店客房若能化身为人的话，就像是接受过叶切断术的嘻嘻哈哈的傻子或油嘴滑舌的变态。
只要把“若”字放在句首便可，即是這樣∶若酒店客房能化身为人的话，就像是接受过叶切断术的嘻嘻哈哈的傻子或油嘴滑舌的变态。
Yes, I agree. My main point is the sentence could have been organized better. The effect should be like hitting the reader on the head with a 2x4. IMO, what in English is funny and apparent, sometimes when told in Chinese without some help from the translator, could be a bewilderment.
[Edited at 2013-02-25 15:00 GMT]
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Phil Hand
China
Local time: 17:17
Chinese to English
TOPIC STARTER | paragraph logic | Feb 25, 2013 |
This is something that interests me a lot. 我觉得中文的句子（sentence）和段落（paragraph）的逻辑跟英文的相应语言单位的逻辑有所不同，所以段落里的句子之间的连接是很值得深入研究的。
但不管是英文还是中文，那段话的最后一句显得有点错位。
It's worth pausing, though, to consider the oddness of this impulse. The hotel room is an amnesiac space. We would be troubled if it bore any sign of a previous occupant, particularly as many of us go to hotels in order to do things we would not do at home. We expect a hotel room to be cleaned as thoroughly as if a corpse had just been hauled from the bed. (In some cases, this will actually have happened.) The domestic interior embodies the opposite idea: it is a repository of memories. The story of its inhabitants ought to be there in the photos on the mantelpiece, the pictures on the wall, the books on the shelves.
到这里为止，这段话很漂亮，前面有一句引言，斜体部分描绘了酒店客房（我刻意选择把英文的几句话合并成中文的长句，用标点体现意义层次上的逻辑），黑体部分描绘了与客房形成鲜明对比的家（我又合并成一句话）。
然后呢，然后呢：
If hotel rooms were people, they would be smiling lobotomy patients or plausible psychopaths.
这句又回到酒店客房，而且在一段话的最后一句话里提出一个崭新的比喻。很没有道理！作家简直在捣乱！
所以我很疑惑，怎么处理这句话。我不想用“而”，因为“而”的转折应该在客房和家两部分之间。但我的译文里的解决方案还是缺乏说服力。PK的建议挺不错。
[Edited at 2013-02-25 15:35 GMT]
| | | | wherestip
United States
Local time: 04:17
Chinese to English
+ ...
Phil，
I wouldn't fault the author. IMO, it's perfectly sound that he ends a paragraph with an unflattering remark about what he truly thinks of a "boutique hotel room". The effect is almost like a jester making a wisecrack on the side.
IMO, this is where the translator's skills come into play - to make 100% sure that the reader follows the author's train of thought with ease. The reader should be crystal clear about where the author stands, through his sarcastic re... See more Phil，
I wouldn't fault the author. IMO, it's perfectly sound that he ends a paragraph with an unflattering remark about what he truly thinks of a "boutique hotel room". The effect is almost like a jester making a wisecrack on the side.
IMO, this is where the translator's skills come into play - to make 100% sure that the reader follows the author's train of thought with ease. The reader should be crystal clear about where the author stands, through his sarcastic remarks(albeit in jest), on the issue of applying the "boutique hotel" concept to the interior of a home.
I do agree with you though, that the author does create a discontinuity by jumping abruptly from talking about the inherent domesticity of the home to talking about the lunacy of making the home look like the interior of a "boutique hotel". I actually attribute this to the author's quick wit and sense of humor. In any event, I think that this break in continuity has to be dealt with with absolute clarity in the translation.
[Edited at 2013-02-26 01:37 GMT] ▲ Collapse
| | | | pkchan
United States
Local time: 05:17
Member (2006)
English to Chinese
+ ...
| 要知道這是一篇怎麼樣的文章 | Feb 25, 2013 |
這不是一篇學術論文，更稱不上是什麼文學作品，是一篇隨想式的雜文。因此，確是一種“胡思亂想”，思前想後，遊來遊去的東西。或許是節錄，文氣更不易掌握。其實按原文的鋪排去翻譯，反而是順理成章，過份作不必要的調動，加上譯者的猜測，反而會增加淩亂感。一般讀者不會對這篇文章產生興趣，除非是有意“取經”，或了解一下中產業主的想法。生活在擠逼的環境，那會有剩餘的空間，去進行大規模的改裝工程。
| | | | wherestip
United States
Local time: 04:17
Chinese to English
+ ...
pkchan wrote:
其實按原文的鋪排去翻譯，反而是順理成章，過份作不必要的調動，加上譯者的猜測，反而會增加淩亂感。
I agree with pk on this. IMO, it would have been better to leave the major order of the author's original sentences in place, and try to attack the clarity issue by putting more thought into the phrasing of the sentences to make it easier for a Chinese reader to follow and understand.
IMO, the very 1st sentence could serve as an example of this. By re-partitioning and rearranging the sentence into 3 smaller clauses/fragments, it did add to clarity and serve as a more distinct lead-in to what he wanted to say about royalty visiting bombed-out shelters, etc.. But IMO it also introduced some choppiness and added an unnecessary amount of drag that took away from the author's clean and relaxed narrative style somewhat ...
We're accustomed to glamour in London SE26: Kelly Brook and Jason Statham used to live above the dentist.
我家所在的伦敦SE26区里，曾经有著名美男美女夫妻杰森•斯坦森和凯莉•布鲁克住在社区牙医店楼上，可以说，我区对大人大事并不陌生！
[Edited at 2013-02-26 14:03 GMT]
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pkchan
United States
Local time: 05:17
Member (2006)
English to Chinese
+ ...
譯者的責任是要盡量保持原意，不應加進自己的想法，這是忠於“原著”。要改動的地方，就是在中文語法的習慣著手，務求讓中文讀者看得舒服一點。以這一句∶“可以说，我区对大人大事并不陌生！”為例，如要改的話，應該這樣是比較通順一點∶“因此（可以這樣說），我（們）對區內的大人大事并不陌生！”
| | | | Shaun Yeo
Local time: 17:17
English to Chinese
+ ...
| 请问哪里可拜读得奖作品？ | Feb 26, 2013 |
如上。谢谢！
| | | | wherestip
United States
Local time: 04:17
Chinese to English
+ ...
| Hello, Shaun | Feb 26, 2013 |
Here's the link.
Congrats to the winner Billy Brown, and the runner-up. The runner-up seems to be from Mainland, China judging by his/her use of terms. Good job!
http://www.proz.com/translation-contests/pair/1933
[Edited at 2013-02-26 01:18 GMT]
| | | | Phil Hand
China
Local time: 17:17
Chinese to English
TOPIC STARTER
Yes:
pkchan wrote:
...因此，確是一種“胡思亂想”，思前想後，遊來遊去的東西...
这点应该是正确的，而且正是这点让我最头痛，因为用中文重现这种『游来游去』但同时不折断其思路很难啊！
But:
pkchan wrote:
以這一句∶“可以说，我区对大人大事并不陌生！”為例，如要改的話，應該這樣是比較通順一點∶“因此（可以這樣說），我（們）對區內的大人大事并不陌生！”
这点我不同意。
前两句话的幽默，我觉得非常难以翻译。Kelly Brooke的”glamour“与享佩尔的"glamour”很不一样，这段有一点讽刺的含义。任何一篇中文译文都没有传达这一层次的含义，其实蛮严重有失于“保持原意”。
原意大概是这样：
我住的地方不算差，甚至小名人都可以住在这里，但是与享佩尔的极度优雅相比，这个生活区就显得像垃圾堆一样。
Brooke和Statham并不是真正的glamour（或大人），只是一对名模而已。
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Shaun Yeo
Local time: 17:17
English to Chinese
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| Thanks...and my translation is here... | Feb 26, 2013 |
wherestip wrote:
Here's the link.
Congrats to the winner Billy Brown, and the runner-up. The runner-up seems to be from Mainland, China judging by his/her use of terms. Good job!
http://www.proz.com/translation-contests/pair/1933
[Edited at 2013-02-26 01:18 GMT]
Hi wherestip:
感谢！我也匆忙献上一译，以资谈兴：http://altxlation.wordpress.com/2013/02/26/proz翻译比赛的非参赛译文/
or here: http://altxlation.wordpress.com/
and click PROZ翻译比赛的……非参赛译文 on the right under recent posts.
最后，恭喜Billy！
| | | | Phil Hand
China
Local time: 17:17
Chinese to English
TOPIC STARTER
Shaun的好译文：
伦敦SE26区星光熠熠，区内居民早习以为常。想当年，杰森·斯坦森和凯莉·布鲁克这对名人夫妇就曾住在牙医诊所楼上。尽管如此，安努斯卡·亨佩尔一踏足本区，她的高跟鞋踩在我家停车场龟裂的水泥地上时，我们还是要联想到二战时《图片邮报》的众多图片；所谓战火处处废墟中，皇室殷殷慰子民。只不过，亨佩尔此番造访这朴实的郊区，倒不仅仅是来抚慰我们的。亨佩尔原是精品酒店创办人（当然，一开始，这类酒店还没冠上这堂皇的名称）这次移驾本区，是要指导我如何改装平凡住宅，使其看起来、闻起来，都像每晚要价750英磅的五星级酒店套房。从室内装潢杂志连篇累牍的报导，从网上DIY论坛急切渴望的帖子看来，西方国家的屋主大半都急欲得到她的指点。我家原是维多利亚式半独立公寓，三层楼中的二楼改建成的公寓，外观内饰均稀松平常。这次要打造成洋溢‘亨佩尔风’的房子的，正是这个单位。
“行。”她打量了厨房一下，说道：“房子无一例外，都可以改装。绝没理由不成。不过房与房之间风格要连贯，思路要一以贯之。”她到逃生出口处巡视一遍，接着说道：“当然，这隔壁房也得买下。”开什么玩笑？我心里这么想。
……
这是个突发奇想，但其不寻常之处，值得深究。酒店房间不能有任何记忆的暗示。如有上个房客的蛛丝马迹，现房客会感到困扰。我们到酒店去，不就是为了做些在家不干的事么？我们要求房间一尘不染，有如尸体刚从床上拖出去后的清理一样彻底。（有时候，这情形确实会发生。）但是，家里的内部装潢则要跟酒店截然不同，因为家是记忆所在。家人的回忆要镶入相框挂在壁炉台上，要存于壁上画中，要夹在书架的书中。如果把酒店客户比做人的话，那他要不是切除脑叶的病人，只会傻笑；要不就是巧言令色的心理变态狂。
星光熠熠
移驾
“行。”
家是记忆所在
赞！
| | | | Li Jie
China
Local time: 17:17
English to Chinese
| plausible psychopaths | Feb 26, 2013 |
wherestip wrote:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mask_of_Sanity
The Mask of Sanity is a book written by Hervey Cleckley, M.D., first published in 1941, describing Cleckley's clinical interviews with incarcerated psychopaths.
...
In these vignettes, Cleckley presents a typical psychopath's behavior. For example, the psychopath can typically tell vivid, lifelike, plausible stories that are completely fraudulent, without evincing any element of delusion. When confronted with a lie, the psychopath is unbothered and can often effortlessly pass it off as a joke. In another typical case history, the psychopath is hospitalized for psychiatric treatment but because of his constant trouble-making, leaving wards in an uproar, the hospital is finally forced to turn him over to the police. Eventually, the police become so sick of his repeated antics that they try to hospitalize him again.
Phil,
Great topic for discussion. And congratulations to you and all the participants of this contest. IMO, to participate is a win in itself.
My understanding of this term is somewhat along the lines of “编造瞎话、没有良心的精神狂人” 。
...
p.s. Several other ways of phrasing this that I can think of: “令人将信将疑的说瞎话的精神狂人”, “混淆视听的精神狂人” , “故意误导他人的精神狂人”, or “吹牛不上税的神经错乱者”...
[Edited at 2013-02-22 22:48 GMT]
可不可以翻译成“神神叨叨的怪胎”？
[修改时间: 2013-02-26 03:54 GMT]
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